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Chatting shits, laughing, innuendos all the time - that's how we both opened up. So sad that we might not be able to see where that would take us...
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I am really playing with fire right now. This is dangerous game. You need to decide which way you want to go. You cannot have both, unfortunately. And whatever the choice will be, at least one person will end up being hurt by you.
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Chce mieć otwarte oczy i nadal ludziom wierzyć...
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Szacunek za czyny, nie chce więcej bracie, pomagasz bezinteresownie- jesteś przyjaciel!
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Hej Ty, Jezu. Na kolana upadłam i zastanawiam się, czy czujesz jak ciężkie opieram na nich ciało. Wypełnione głodem, pustką, biernością, czymkolwiek… tak, cokolwiek we mnie znajdziesz. I jak mnie nazwiesz? Człowiekiem, istotą, czy pustym naczyniem? Co się we mnie wlewa, co ze mnie wylewa? Ile w tym żółci, piany i wody słonej? Jak mam wierzyć, że iskrę jakąś widzisz w mych błądzących oczach? Ej, Jezusie! Znowu rzygam. Zwymiotowałem życie i jem je od nowa jak posiłek najlepszy. Karmię się syfem, Tobie się kłaniam, a niebo na głowę mi spada. O bogowie, raj na ziemi. /just_love.
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I thought that when he would hug me I would feel the relieve and peace and safety, but it actually made me even more anxious and uncomfortable. What am I keep thinking about if I cannot even relax for a hug?
Pack it in woman!!!
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"What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it?"
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"Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more. Every stumble and each misfire I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more..."
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"- So what is your plan to do today (at work)? - Well, I want to get down on one knee and ask..... but that wouldn't matter and wouldn't change......"
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Please God, give me strength, patience and lots of love to keep it all together – if there is still hope to do that.
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To be honest I don’t even know why the situation has complicated so much recently.
I am not sure if that is the constant anger about everything around, the tiredness, lack of time spent together, laziness… Maybe our feelings have changed? Or maybe it is all of the pointed-out reasons?
I have no idea, but I know if this is how it will look like, then the possibility that we will be able to keep it together is close to zero…
I hate myself for even thinking that way. I really hate myself right now. Got a feeling it is all my fault, which is not completely. Apparently, the blame is always situated in the middle or both sides – same meaning. I just feel tired of ups and downs in this relationship, I just wish that would be over now, my life would be over.
I guess everyone would be happy about it.
Sometimes I feel that I am just a huge stone and dragging everybody down.
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Oh, why the life needs to be so difficult??
It is all about making the right decisions. But what if there are no good choices available? There will always be someone who will be hurt more, damaged more, broken more than the other person. And it doesn’t matter what choice you make. You will always be the bad person in someone’s eyes.
I wish I could just run away and not need to make any of the choices. This makes my life even more miserable. And I hate myself for keeping it that way, but at the moment I don't want to do anything that could potentially hurt one of them.
I really need to pack it in, grow up and make a final decision.
I am tired of pretending and being undecided all the time. It is a real pain in the ass.
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